Love the Holidays

Merry Christmas Everyone!!!

Hope.

Story of my life.  I always seem to belly flop on my finals. Bahhhumbug.  It stinks to study and work so hard and still not do as well as you had hoped to.  I'm praying it'll be enough to push me through to get a vet school interview.  But, I'm trying not to hold my breath on this one.  Realistically I'm not feeling terribly optimistic on the whole process.  I'm trying to keep it positive and dwell on the fact I have an awesome graduate school offer set up that is fully funding and will actually help me succeed in vet school.  Plus, it will give me an opportunity to expand my knowledge base and even get some vet school courses out of the way.  Hopefully single life and focusing on school will help me finally get that ever desired 4.0 next semester and even eventual vet school acceptance.

Not giving up yet.  There is always hope.  I'm not cooked til I have the rejection letter in hand.

On a happier note, it's absolutely lovely to be home.  I'm enjoying the large amount of sleep I'm getting and all the shopping I've been doing.  There is nothing nicer then curling up with the two puppies and getting to read a book, FOR FUN.  I love it.  Spending time with my friends and family is great too.  I missed my MD crew something fierce.

It's a beautiful day out, off to go make something of it!  Happy Christmas Eve Eve!

"I'm fallin' into you"

Finals

Good Lord I can't wait for this week to be over.  At this point I'm just praying I do well.  I feel like I study my butt off and never actually feel fully prepared.

Who says.

"Keep drinkin' coffee
Stare me down across the table
While I look outside

So many things I'd say if only I were able
But I just keep quiet
And count the cars that pass by

You've got opinions, man
We're all entitled to 'em
But I never asked

So let me thank you for time
And try to not waste any more of mine
Get out of here fast

I hate to break it to you babe
But I'm not drowning
There's no one here to save

Who cares if you disagree
You are not me
Who made you king of anything
So you dare tell me who to be
Who died
And made you king of anything

You sound so innocent
All full of good intent
You swear you know best

But you expect me to
Jump up on board with you
Ride off into your dellusional sunset

I'm not the one who's lost
With no direction oh
But you won't ever see

You're so busy makin' maps
With my name on them in all caps
You got the talkin' down just not the listening

And who cares if you disagree
You are not me
Who made you king of anything
So you dare tell me who to be
Who died
And made you king of anything

All my life
I've tried
To make everybody happy while I
Just hurt
And hide
Waitin' for someone to tell me it's my turn
To decide

Who cares if you disagree
You are not me
Who made you king of anything
So you dare tell me who to be
Who died
And made you king of anything

Who cares if you disagree
You are not me
Who made you king of anything
So you dare tell me who to be
Who died
And made you king of anything

Let me hold your crown, babe"

Ouch.

I wanted this... but not really.  I don't know what I want out of this situation.  I just hurts and sucks.  I thought maybe over time it would get easier.  But as of right now, its just been getting worse.  I feel like this kinda thing always comes from the people you least expect to hurt you.  I'm guilty too, yes.  I didn't handle every situation with tack and charisma.  I was struggling, it's hard when your entire world is telling you this is not the best thing for you now.  I flipped... it couldn't handle the pressure of upsetting everyone else.  Pathetic, perhaps, honest, definitely. I've come to realize in the end, you are one of the most important things in my life.  It sucks to have you walk away completely like this.  Last week this showed - I would drop everything for you, I was being directly told not too, I ended up ignoring them and doing it anyway, to proceed to be chew out by you... awesome.  I never thought you'd throw it right back in my face.  Maybe this is supposed to be my moment where I "see the light" and know that it was the right move, taking a step back.  I've always heard everyone talk about true colors.  But I most certainly don't feel like these are my true colors.  Or yours either.  Stress always seems to get the best of us.

I'll pray for you is really all I can say.  I hope you'll do the same.

Another rant... it's convenient that no one really reads this, otherwise I feel like I'd need to hold back a tad more.  It's terribly refreshing to have a place to rant.

Paz y bien.

Everyday is filled with beautiful moments, seek them.